Empty Nest

So many changes these last few months! Moving my dad in, Shawn's retirement and now my last baby prepares to leave the nest. Brandon has decided to move to Reno so that he is closer to school and has also found a job there. Within a week or so he'll be gone as well. It leaves me wondering if I have taken on too much - with Shawn taking a job that will have him away most of the time and Brandon moved out I wonder at my ability to hold down a full time job, take care of my father AND everything at the house - birds, cars, garden, minor household emergencies. I won't even be able to go for groceries without arranging a caretaker.

I have realized what a lucky mother I have been. My kids have, despite early traumas and their mother's interference, turned out to be good people. While they have given me a few gray hairs they have avoided drug, alcohol or legal problems, and they have good hearts and morals. Brandon, being the last one to go, has been a huge help with his grandfather - getting up at night when he heard him moving about, staying home with him so I could run a few errands on the weekends, even offering to stay up on a couple of exceptionally long nights so that I could get some sleep before I had to go to work. At 19, he amazes me. And now it is his turn to fly. I hope, I know, he will soar. I can't help but hope that his winds won't carry him too far away from me. The hardest part of the military life we lead was the distance it took us from loved ones. But what a wonderful adventure it was - and if we instilled the desire to see more in our kids, who would I be if I tried to hold them too close?

How do other people do this? Can I maintain a positive outlook or will I fall victim to depression? What if high winds blow the shingles off? I hate heights. What if I break down? There won't be anyone to call for help. I know there will be times I will want to scream in frustration - and maybe that's what I'll do! Just walk to the back of our property and yell out my frustration so that I can come back in and laugh at myself. Because of one thing there is no doubt in my mind - if I can find the humor in everything to come I'll make it through. And well, if the neighbors here me yelling and call the cops I'm sure I can convince them that I am working to retain my sanity.

And hey, I'm better off than our neighbor, whose mother has called the sheriff twice to report that he was abusing her - the reason the first time? Because he wouldn't let her have more than one glass of wine. Hey, if I can't have wine when I'm that age I'll probably feel abused too.

At least Daddy doesn't know where the phone is...